Growing with your child, into the mother you were meant to be.
“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” -Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
Becoming a mom is the most life changing event I have ever experienced. You become someone totally new as you watch an extension of yourself enter the world. You want to protect this little person with everything you have, and yet you know that someday, you are going to have to let them go.
It’s a dance between wanting to savor every moment, and looking forward to what’s next.
You grew an entire person inside of you for nine months. They were as much a part of you as you were of them. Then suddenly, they enter the world and become their own person. You can’t protect them in the same way anymore. They want to be with you always, just as they were when they were inside of you. The bliss of newborn cuddles. The time when nothing else matters in the world but their sweet smell and soft skin on your skin. Navigating this new stage of life together.
Then one day, you wake up and they are sleeping in their own bed in a different room. All alone. And you wonder when they grew up so fast. Weren’t you with them the whole time? And yet, it feels like they grew up overnight.
They still need you now, just in a different way.
Children will always need their mothers. Even when they are all grown up.
Moms are constantly adapting to the new stage their child is in. Learning how to let go of the baby that once couldn’t be without them to embrace the child that is in front of them. All while cherishing and loving each version of their child. The woman is changing too, growing into the mother she is meant to be for this child.
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Breathe
So much of motherhood is taking a deep breath and letting go. Letting go of expectations. Expectations for yourself, and expectations of what life would look like with kids. Things are different now that you are actually living it. That person you were before you had kids is still there, she’s just softer now. She feels things deeper and her heart breaks easier than it did before. But she is also stronger too. She could move a mountain if it meant saving her child. She is the heartbeat of the family and knows the importance of her role now.
Allowing yourself to be reshaped into a mother as your child enters the world is a special thing. Embracing and loving the person you become is up to you. Welcoming this new version of yourself into the world at the same moment you welcome your baby often goes unnoticed. Diapers, milk, and sleepless nights are all you know, until one day, you look in the mirror and see a new woman looking back at you. One who lives for more than herself. One who sacrifices everyday for her family, and somehow feels happier and more fulfilled than ever. Even the exhaustion is not enough to dull the joy of motherhood.
“A mother feels pain; she gets tired; but she feels neither the pain nor the tiredness. She pushes herself to do everything, but because she loves her children and she loves her home, she does everything with joy.”-St. Paisios (Read an excerpt from the beautiful book Family Life.)
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Humility
Motherhood is learning how to be humbled over and over again. Everything you thought you knew about being a mom changes once you actually become a mom. The difficulty of pregnancy and childbirth are soon forgotten as you face the challenge of breastfeeding. Then when that’s over, you have a child who is becoming their own person. They have a mind of their own and they are going to want to try new things and challenge you. You take on a new role in their life as you now need to guide them through these new choices.
All the life experiences you have that prepared you to raise this little human are going to seem insignificant once you are actually in it. Yes, of course the things you learned before will apply. But probably not in the way you thought they would. There will be days when you feel like you know all there is to know, and other days you feel like you know nothing about raising babies.
Even as the second child comes along, you will experience the same feeling. The feeling of not knowing anything when you feel like you should know everything.
Growing up
Watching my own children grow has been such a wonderful experience. Each day they are just a little bit older and I get to see a little more of who they might become. I find myself wanting to hold onto a moment for just a little longer because I know that when it passes, it’s gone forever. It’s bittersweet, this privilege of watching them grow and change. I love the person they are becoming while still missing the person they were before.
The conflicting feeling of longing for what’s passed, looking ahead to the future, and savoring the moment you’re in, all happen in an instant. Then you realize how many women have done this before and there is a sense of unity and fullness of life. A connectedness to all the mothers who have come before and all who will come after. Knowing they have all felt this way as they watched their own babies grow. A deeper love and sense of importance than ever before.
Knowing this is the most important thing I will ever do with my life.
This is the beauty of motherhood.
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