Finding Joy in Motherhood (Even on the Hard Days)

Welcome, dear mamas, I am so glad you are here. This is a space for you and me to support one another. I am here to let you know that you are not alone. We are in this together. Whether you have 10 kids or you are pregnant with your first child, this is a space for you. Let’s find the joy in motherhood, together.

I’ll say it right now, motherhood is beautiful. It is the most amazing experience you and I will ever have. The chance to raise children is a blessing. This is important work, and when done well, the joy radiates to everyone around us.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t have hard days.

Having a hard day doesn’t make you a bad mom. In fact, you are here looking for support because you are already an amazing mother.

We all have this image in our minds of the perfect mother. You know, the one who wakes up early to do Bible study, then prepares homemade meals for her family, and gathers vegetables from her garden. The one who perfectly fits the Proverbs 31 woman. She never gets angry or tired. She calmly greets each part of her day and is a glowing example of Christ’s love to everyone she meets.

So when we don’t meet these expectations, we feel like we are failing. Am I right?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I wake up every day striving to be a better person than I was the day before. Struggling against sinful tendencies and striving to become more Christ-like in everything I do. This is good. This is important. This is what I should be doing.

But, if I don’t meet these goals I set for myself, does that mean I am a failure? If you are not the mother you dream of being, does that mean you are destined to be a bad mom?

Here is a resounding no.

No, I am not a failure for not meeting my expectations for myself. No, you are not destined to be a bad mom because you aren’t Pinterest perfect.

So here we are together, striving to be the best mothers we can be, because our children deserve it. Because our perfect babies deserve us at our best.

Let’s find the joy in motherhood, together. Even on the hard days. Even on the days when we feel like a failure.

I am here to share with you how I find the joy in motherhood each and every day. How I went from dreading the early morning wake-ups after sleepless nights to looking forward to them.

Joy is possible, even on our hardest days. Joy is possible, even when you are exhausted and your house is a mess. Joy is possible, even when your child is having a tantrum. Joy is possible, all the time.

Here are practical ways for you to rediscover the excitement of raising babies. I want to offer you faith-filled encouragement and gentle reminders of the joy in motherhood.

But First, What is Joy?

Before we dive into the good stuff, let’s make sure we actually know what joy is.
Joy doesn’t mean that we are constantly happy, it’s not just a bunch of good feelings.. We can have joy, even in sadness.

Joy is found deep within us; it’s a state of being that says that whatever happens, we will be okay. It’s contentment, inner peace, and gratitude in the midst of the chaos.

Happiness is when your toddler brings you flowers. Joy is rocking your crying baby and savoring it because you realize this moment won’t last forever.

Practical Tips to Find Joy In Motherhood

These are the best ways I’ve found to bring joy into motherhood each day.

Set Goals

Take a moment to write out how you would like to see your day go if you could plan your perfect “average” day. What kinds of things would you be doing if everything went to plan? Take a step back and imagine ways to make this a reality. When I did this, I realized I only needed to change a couple of things in my day in order to make my dream family life a reality.

As a stay-at-home mom, I have the unique opportunity to make the days what I want them to be. I am my own boss. While my days center around my kids, I do have a say in the order of events and where we find pockets of rest and play during the days. Something I realized when I was writing out my perfect day was that I wanted to be doing more crafts and baking with the kids. This is a realistic goal for our day-to-day life. Once I added this to our afternoons once a week, we all started looking forward to this time together, and it brought peace and rhythm to good days and bad days.

Create Little Routines

Think about the things you do every single day. I’m talking about the little details. Something as small as wiping down the table after meals. Now turn these daily tasks into routines, make the chores and other mundane tasks so much of a daily routine that you don’t have to think about what comes next. When you do this, you are lessening the number of decisions you have to actively make, thus lessening your mental load. If you are interested in learning more about mental load, here is an article from UCLA Health.

Routines allowed me to go from feeling like there was a never-ending to-do list in my brain to taking one task at a time. I don’t have to worry that I’ll forget to do something because everything is in a rhythm. This allows me to have more mental capacity for other things that come along. I am not mentally exhausted by the end of the day in the same way, and I feel like I am given extra time for my husband and children’s needs.

An example of a simple daily routine I have after every meal is:

1. Clear the table
2. Load the dishwasher and hand-wash everything else
3. Wipe down the table and counters
4. Sweep the floor
   

By having this routine, I know the kitchen and dining area will be clean and ready for whatever comes next, and I don’t have to carry the mental load of thinking about each thing I need to do after each meal.
In addition to lightening the mental load, simple routines in the home allow me to always be ready for drop-in guests and help me to be more willing to invite people over.

Daily Gratitude Journal and Bible Study

Each day, write down 1-3 things you are thankful for. I like to pair this with my Bible study time in the mid-mornings after breakfast. Beginning the day with thankfulness instantly sets me up to be looking for the joy in each moment to come. Having a heart postured towards God and recognizing all the ways He has chosen to bless my family truly sets me up to be more joyful in motherhood than anything else.
It’s hard to be frustrated and upset when I just read the Bible and wrote down how thankful I am for this life I have been given.

These gratitude prompts are a great place to start if you are just beginning journaling or need a little inspiration to keep going.

Lean into Community

Truly, we aren’t meant to do all this mothering alone. We are meant to be in community with others. Finding other moms to laugh with, to encourage, and to lean on when things get tough is important. The problem is, there is a very real loneliness epidemic going on right now. Most people interact more online than in person with their loved ones, and those who don’t have close family and friends feel like it’s impossible to meet people. The best way to find your community is to start making one. Invite moms over (even if you don’t know them well, yet), attend community events, get to know your neighbors, and start conversations with other moms in your church. Putting yourself out there and embracing the awkward moments is sure to lead you to some lovely friendships. Finding the right moms to be friends with does take time, but I’m here to tell you from experience that it can be done, and it is always worth the effort. Having mom friends is one of the best things moms can do for themselves. If you have a new baby or are pregnant, this is a great time to start brainstorming ways to meet people in your community.

I moved to a new state where I didn’t know a single other person right before I became pregnant with my first child. Finding mom friends was the top priority for me at that time, and it continues to be. I made some of my closest friends by getting to know other Christian moms in my church, attending a neighborhood Bible study as a new mom, and joining a playgroup organized by a neighbor. My kids benefit from it too because now they have little buddies to play with.

Give Yourself Grace

One of the easiest ways to lose the joy in motherhood is to compare yourself to the perfect moms we see on social media. The ones with perfectly decorated homes and happy children in matching outfits. We watch reels of mothers who “have it all together” and tell ourselves that that’s what we need to be. We tell ourselves that we’re failing because we aren’t like that. Truth is, they aren’t actually like that either. None of us is.

Giving yourself grace means being okay if there are still dirty dishes in the sink and you made your toddler scrambled eggs for dinner (again). It means letting go of the vision of the perfect mother. Your worth is not defined by your clean house or by making Pinterest-worthy meals all day for your kids.
When you start to feel like you are falling short, look around. Embrace the cuddles and the moments where you showed up for your kids, time and time again today. You are doing your best and loving your children. Be thankful for what you did get done today. Joy comes when we stop dwelling on all the things we didn’t do and start recognizing all the things we did do. Celebrate the small victories each day.

As Christian moms, we can be assured that God’s grace and mercy cover us and invite us to start anew tomorrow. We don’t have to carry motherhood with our own strength; we can lean on God. With God’s help, we can always be better mothers.

Words of Encouragement from The Bible

Gaining some encouragement from the Bible can make a huge difference in the hard moments.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them. Psalm 127:3-5

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. – Psalm 139:13-14

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. – James 1:17

Remembering that my children are a gift from God helps shift my perspective when things get tough. They are not my own; God has entrusted them to me to raise them and love them, but they are not mine to keep. They belong to God, and it’s my job to raise them to follow Him.

The most helpful reminder to me is that God is the protector of my children and he loves them a million times more than I do. His love is a perfect love, and knowing that my children are loved like that is breathtaking. Even when I fail, His love remains and will never fail them.

This same love He has for my children, he also has for me. That, my friends, is where true joy comes from. Knowing that the creator of the universe loves me with an unending, perfect love. No matter how many times I mess up.

Practical Self-Care for Moms

We’ve all heard the usual self-care ideas like taking a spa day or getting a massage. I’m here to tell you that in my experience as a busy mom, those things are few and far between.

Here are some practical ways I take care of myself in the middle of the chaos of the day.

• Practice deep breathing, focusing on long breaths in and even longer breaths out. This is something I can do any time of the day. I especially like to do this when I start to feel overwhelmed or stressed. Taking a deep breath slows my heart rate and helps me to recenter and be ready to tackle what’s next with a calmer disposition.
• Get outside. My kids love to play outside, and I know that after getting some fresh air and sunshine, I will feel better, too. Being outside can hit reset on a busy day and help all of us be refreshed and calmer when we get back inside.
• Make a cup of coffee. I love to brew a pot of coffee and enjoy a nice hot cup while I do my Bible study after breakfast. At that stage of the day, my kids are usually happy to play or read their own Bibles while I read mine. It’s a peaceful and refreshing start to the day and is the best thing to remind me of what’s important before we get going.

Remembering the Big Picture

We all know the quote about the days being long but the years being short. I know that to be true in motherhood. Especially as a stay-at-home mom, the days can sometimes feel never-ending, but then all of a sudden, my babies are a year older, and I wonder how that could have possibly happened. It seems like only yesterday we were meeting them for the first time, and now they have their own personalities and likes and dislikes, and their smile is the best part of my day.

All the hard work we are putting in now can feel exhausting, but it’s worth it. Every boo boo that we kiss, lunch that we make, hand that we hold, and diaper that we change is worth it. Because in the end, being a mom is the most important thing we will ever do. All these little things add up to a really big thing: raising children.

Just remember that joy is not found in perfection. Joy is found in being present and having the right perspective.

Look for the small moments of joy every day, and know you are not alone in this journey of motherhood.
Please share how you find joy in motherhood in the comments!

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